losing the greatest of minds

god is an illusion. god is an excuse. i’m so angry i could weep. what would you do? would you hang up the sign? Or refuse? would you risk so much for one person? one stranger? one friend? one child? what will i do? i will love my neighbors. open my heart to each one. send out good will. not everyone sees the world as you do. not everyone wishes for your best. you can hope and pray and want and plead. you can work and scrape and crawl. you can give and give and give. and nothing. and nothing. and nothing. you may walk alone in the evening. sending out your love. a small package. watching it touch down on each roof and doorstep. you aren’t the only one to send out hopes and dreams for everyone. peace wishers and wall breakers. but the arguing does not reach your ears. your eyes are on the night sky. orion. andromeda? that w. bullet misses and sails out the door. pushing through the air to meet you. through your temple. bright white. an explosion. sparks, a halo, a ball of light. ascending, expanding, and finally, tendrils up through the air. disappearing. witnessed by no one. lost to everyone. empty to all that was once there.

Goals

I really wanted to
But,

There was a wall, a mile high, smooth with no handholds.
A fence, running long, draped with razor wire.
It was a mound of dirt, insurmountable.
A blade of grass, quaking in the wind.

It couldn’t be done. Not overcome, curbed, conquered, or defeated.

It was a snail trail. A crumb. A casting of light,
That kept me.

Unattainable. Hopeless. Not to be won. Mostly it was absurd to dream it.

I really wanted to
But,

I wouldn’t.