Willow

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It seems our agreement shifted. And if I wanted to I would. If I believed anything other than the past would repeat itself, I’d behave differently. If I had it in me, I’d be right back on board. But,

I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe anything other than the past will repeat itself. In my deepest depths, recesses of my heart and mind, all my hidden coves, I know that nothing will change. I know that I will go through this over and over until I’m completely destroyed. Angry. Hateful. Resentful. Incapable.

And that’s not who I want to be. Not who I am. Not a person I’m willing to become.

I believe in goodness, in love. I believe in awareness, in knowing when you’re done, in trusting to know when we’ve reached an impasse.

It’s not that your aren’t worth it. You are my greatest love. You are everything I hoped and ever wanted. You are a kaleidoscope.

But I have scar tissue built up around my ability to go back. It’s marbled, knobby, held fast. I can see no, feel no, believe no other way.

The distance stretched too far this time. My heart is hardened. My hope proved insufficient. Asking for work, effort, belief, is out of the question. I’m tired. And I can’t.

I won’t.

The Purpose of Should

An afterthought SHOULD HAVE
A driving force for unrelenting
guilt SHOULD HAVE
shame SHOULD HAVE
sorrow
SHOULD HAVE

SHOULD
Say it enough and it’s meaningless
Say it enough and it ceases to be

Notions for when it’s too late to change
When the results are in
And everyone you love is gone
When there’s nothing to be done

Wonder Woman In Training

Now available at Amazon.com and Amazon Kindle unlimited. Click the cover for information.

WONDER WOMAN IN TRAINING

High school senior, Kate, is on her own for the first time in her life with no one to take care of but herself. Even across several hundred miles, her family crushes her independence and reminds her just how connected she is to a life she wishes she could change.

Take

The Slater’s are a family full of mental illness, Lydia Slater just doesn’t know it yet.

Family is supposed to be there. No matter what. Lydia learns the hard way that that’s not always the case. At fifteen, she’s been able to handle what life has thrown her way because of her big brother, Steve. When Steve develops a serious mental illness, and is lost to a world of hallucinations, Lydia’s life collapses.

She must learn to trust in the goodness of others and reach out to them for help. Before that can happen, though, Lydia will need to believe in herself.

Take is a young adult contemporary that begs the question, “what would you do if the one person you relied on lost their mind?”