How can something so beautiful become so distorted and ugly?
It seems our agreement shifted. And if I wanted to I would. If I believed anything other than the past would repeat itself, I’d behave differently. If I had it in me, I’d be right back on board. But,
I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe anything other than the past will repeat itself. In my deepest depths, recesses of my heart and mind, all my hidden coves, I know that nothing will change. I know that I will go through this over and over until I’m completely destroyed. Angry. Hateful. Resentful. Incapable.
And that’s not who I want to be. Not who I am. Not a person I’m willing to become.
I believe in goodness, in love. I believe in awareness, in knowing when you’re done, in trusting to know when we’ve reached an impasse.
It’s not that your aren’t worth it. You are my greatest love. You are everything I hoped and ever wanted. You are a kaleidoscope.
But I have scar tissue built up around my ability to go back. It’s marbled, knobby, held fast. I can see no, feel no, believe no other way.
The distance stretched too far this time. My heart is hardened. My hope proved insufficient. Asking for work, effort, belief, is out of the question. I’m tired. And I can’t.
Not a shade
And most certainly
What are you fucking thinking? What are you fucking doing? Who the fuck do you think you are?
I don’t know. I don’t know. Just lost.
Figure your shit out. There’s only one solution. Climb back on the crazy train. And hang on. You’re not going anywhere. You don’t know how.
I could figure it out. I could stick up for me.
Please. You can’t. You don’t understand enough to argue. I’ll tell you what to do. You’ll do it. Because we all want the same thing. And that’s for me, I mean us, to be happy.
You don’t really care. You just want to secure me. Under your thumb. Shapeless. Faceless. Lost.
You’re ridiculous. I told you you didn’t get it. You’ve just validated my point.
For your unfettered consideration
and undoubtedly refined thought,
tell me how you interpret
all of these changes
that have come unexpected,
unannounced, and unwanted
into the lives of everyone
who manages to pay attention
and notice what wrongs have
been done, ignored, and
tragically encouraged with
the enthusiasm of
a two year-old child
and the recklessness of one
who knows nothing of struggle,
heartache, and loss.
Mighty 5 … in fifty minutes Workshop Margaret Pettis Poem 3: Goal to write on sentence (about 20 lines) that is one perfect sentence. Showing that I can control language syntactically, grammatically, logically. with 5 words per line.
Linda Pastan The New Dog that is one sentence that is grammatically perfect. See below.
The New Dog
Into the gravity of my life, the serious ceremonies of polish and paper and pen, has come this manic animal whose innocent disruptions make nonsense of my old simplicities-- as if I needed him to prove again that after all the careful planning, anything can happen.
Something that’s available to everyone must not be very good. I could kill us all and never have to say goodbye. Ignore me. It’s just the wine talking. Don’t worry. Grow Be free
Mighty 5 … in fifty minutes Workshop Margaret Pettis Poem 5: Goal to build on someone else’s secret
A driving force for unrelenting
Say it enough and it’s meaningless
Say it enough and it ceases to be
Notions for when it’s too late to change
When the results are in
And everyone you love is gone
When there’s nothing to be done
For several weeks now I’ve been assisting other writers as a development editor for an anthology coming out next summer. I’m really enjoying the process. Each story is so different in style, genre, POV, voice, etc. Each writer eager to dig into whatever we come upon to improve their work. It’s a great experience and I’m learning a lot. 🙂
Oh how I long
for a romantic song
about co-dependence and
lack of boundary keeping.
Make it mainstream
With thoughts for the teens
And perhaps inspire change.
owning what’s yours
Admitting a wrong
A new world will begin
One we wish we lived in
But never realized it’s ours
for the making.
Attended my second writing conference ever. The place was overflowing with amazing authors, editors, publishers, experts, volunteers. I met so many amazing people. Not like, “oh, you’re amazing” blah blah cuz you’re here too, but “you’re real, genuine, kind, accepting, open, generous, interested, just overall amazing. I’m lucky to have met you.” See the difference?
I learned a lot, too. I can’t wait to go to the next conference. The LUW cares so much about its members and the writing community, each person affiliated with them spreads the same message of appreciation and concern. They’re wonderful.