Willow

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It seems our agreement shifted. And if I wanted to I would. If I believed anything other than the past would repeat itself, I’d behave differently. If I had it in me, I’d be right back on board. But,

I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe anything other than the past will repeat itself. In my deepest depths, recesses of my heart and mind, all my hidden coves, I know that nothing will change. I know that I will go through this over and over until I’m completely destroyed. Angry. Hateful. Resentful. Incapable.

And that’s not who I want to be. Not who I am. Not a person I’m willing to become.

I believe in goodness, in love. I believe in awareness, in knowing when you’re done, in trusting to know when we’ve reached an impasse.

It’s not that your aren’t worth it. You are my greatest love. You are everything I hoped and ever wanted. You are a kaleidoscope.

But I have scar tissue built up around my ability to go back. It’s marbled, knobby, held fast. I can see no, feel no, believe no other way.

The distance stretched too far this time. My heart is hardened. My hope proved insufficient. Asking for work, effort, belief, is out of the question. I’m tired. And I can’t.

I won’t.

The Purpose of Should

An afterthought SHOULD HAVE
A driving force for unrelenting
guilt SHOULD HAVE
shame SHOULD HAVE
sorrow
SHOULD HAVE

SHOULD
Say it enough and it’s meaningless
Say it enough and it ceases to be

Notions for when it’s too late to change
When the results are in
And everyone you love is gone
When there’s nothing to be done

Musical Dreams

Oh how I long
for a romantic song
Not
about co-dependence and
lack of boundary keeping.

Make it mainstream
With thoughts for the teens
To ponder
Perseverate
And perhaps inspire change.

Communication and
owning what’s yours
Admitting a wrong
and forgiving.

A new world will begin
One we wish we lived in
But never realized it’s ours
for the making.

Humans

How can we hate each other when we’re all trying to do the same thing?
We hate each other. We ignore. Neglect. Beat. Rape. Kill each other.
But we all want the same thing.
We refuse to help. Refuse to notice. To stop. To say something. To hold accountable.
But we all want the same thing.
To be free of fear. To end mistreatment. Is to end it in others. Then it will happen in yourself.
To have peace is to recognize your peace and share it. To be accepting. To be kind.
We want to eat and feel safe. Why would you you use violence and justifications to starve and threaten others when all they want is the same thing?
No one will go without. There’s enough.
But we take it. We hide it. We horde it. We dangle it over the heads of others to feel what?
Bigger? Better? Stronger?
It is a display of weakness. It is Pathetic. And misinformed.

Wonder Woman In Training

Now available at Amazon.com and Amazon Kindle unlimited. Click the cover for information.

WONDER WOMAN IN TRAINING

High school senior, Kate, is on her own for the first time in her life with no one to take care of but herself. Even across several hundred miles, her family crushes her independence and reminds her just how connected she is to a life she wishes she could change.

Something Beautiful

I want to write about something beautiful

To be inspired by stories of the world

But

One must scour the pages for a positive

To find a kindness

One must reach passed

The wretched behavior of Mothers and Sons

Must shield against the atrocities of neighbors

And the lost trust in our government and police

What a dream for those to be few and far between

And the acts of love dominate our screen