I Wanted to Know You Loved Me

I thought I’d know
By the way we talked
I thought I’d know
By the way we spent our time
I thought I’d know

By your consideration
By the joys we shared
By how we coped
By how we grieved
By how we cared

Your passions weren’t mine
And mine were garbage.

Not knowing myself
Makes love hard

I thought it was okay
To hear the things you
Said to me.
To allow the things you
Did to me.

Shame is a confusing emotion
Did I break your heart?
Am I responsible for this loss?
Is self-defense wrong?
Should I have stayed?

I’m sorry I hurt you
I’m sorry I didn’t know me
I’m sorry I figured it out
And ruined us.

What can be done
About past hurts?

I know me better now
I’m still learning
My navigation falters
And I repeat patterns
But I’m becoming familiar to me

My thoughts are mine
My actions are mine
My dreams are mine
I deserve them

What I love makes me who I am
And I love me.