Willow

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It seems our agreement shifted. And if I wanted to I would. If I believed anything other than the past would repeat itself, I’d behave differently. If I had it in me, I’d be right back on board. But,

I don’t have it in me. I don’t believe anything other than the past will repeat itself. In my deepest depths, recesses of my heart and mind, all my hidden coves, I know that nothing will change. I know that I will go through this over and over until I’m completely destroyed. Angry. Hateful. Resentful. Incapable.

And that’s not who I want to be. Not who I am. Not a person I’m willing to become.

I believe in goodness, in love. I believe in awareness, in knowing when you’re done, in trusting to know when we’ve reached an impasse.

It’s not that your aren’t worth it. You are my greatest love. You are everything I hoped and ever wanted. You are a kaleidoscope.

But I have scar tissue built up around my ability to go back. It’s marbled, knobby, held fast. I can see no, feel no, believe no other way.

The distance stretched too far this time. My heart is hardened. My hope proved insufficient. Asking for work, effort, belief, is out of the question. I’m tired. And I can’t.

I won’t.

A Conversation With Myself

What’re you doing? Get back!
Don’t worry. I’m fine. I know what I’m doing.
What if you don’t? And this all ends badly?
Nothing will ever happen or become if I’m too afraid to try.
Reconsider.
No.
No? You don’t know what’s going to happen. You don’t know how this will turn out. Everything you’ve worked for.
Life’s too short not to love. Look around you. All your work is nothing without love.
I’m afraid.
To love?
Yes. What if I’m wrong?
Then you’re wrong. And that’s okay. Do not fear love. Love makes us. And we are not fear.

***

Written for Moral Mondays which can be found here: https://moralmondays.wordpress.com/2016/07/31/moral-mondays-there-is-no-fear-in-love/

“THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE”

Voices Unheard

We’re not listening, there is
no ‘new’ way
no ‘new’ cause
no ‘new’ reason
it’s the same as it ever was

Too late, we feel it
tragic loss
incomprehensible loss
senseless loss

A glimpse, wasted now, at the
unknowable pain
fractured heart
pleading soul

Messages clear but unanswerable
changes unable to be made
the softness of your voice
unheard

Take

The Slater’s are a family full of mental illness, Lydia Slater just doesn’t know it yet.

Family is supposed to be there. No matter what. Lydia learns the hard way that that’s not always the case. At fifteen, she’s been able to handle what life has thrown her way because of her big brother, Steve. When Steve develops a serious mental illness, and is lost to a world of hallucinations, Lydia’s life collapses.

She must learn to trust in the goodness of others and reach out to them for help. Before that can happen, though, Lydia will need to believe in herself.

Take is a young adult contemporary that begs the question, “what would you do if the one person you relied on lost their mind?”