I need to be a rock

I’m really not up for this. To love. I don’t want it. I don’t want to love. I’ll take my pets. My child. My hobbies. Don’t think I don’t love you. I just don’t want to. I want to run away. I want to be gone from this painful place with no light. No kindness. No friends. I need to leave. Be in the woods. Be alone. Where the light is just light. The trees are just trees. The magic is just magic. Nothing more, nothing less. Why can’t you see that your patience and kindness, your heart and soft hands ruin me? I need to be a rock. Just there. One among many. Don’t ask. Just leave. It’s better that way for all of us. Please.

1 Comment

  1. “I’m really not up for this. To love. I don’t want it. I don’t want to love.” Well, Effie, not sure how autobiographical this is–but anyone who is not up to love, is not up to living, is frightened, is hurting, and because of it is only existing.

    “I’ll take my pets. My child. My hobbies. Don’t think I don’t love you. I just don’t want to. I want to run away. I want to be gone from this painful place with no light. No kindness. No friends. I need to leave. Be in the woods. Be alone. Where the light is just light. The trees are just trees. The magic is just magic. Nothing more, nothing less.”

    Are your pets just pets? Your child just a child? Your hobbies just hobbies? Do you prefer people and objects and concepts to have as little substance as possible?

    “Why can’t you see that your patience and kindness, your heart and soft hands ruin me? I need to be a rock. Just there. One among many. Don’t ask. Just leave. It’s better that way for all of us. Please.” My God this is so desperate. So painful. I hope this is not how you’re really feeling. I hope your loved one is still with you?

    Emm.

    Like

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